


every lie you tell

by AnnCherie



Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: Angst, Dark, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Mild Smut, Toxic Relationships, this is not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:40:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29165835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnCherie/pseuds/AnnCherie
Summary: nate lists the lies that chuck tells
Relationships: Nate Archibald/Chuck Bass
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	every lie you tell

_ We’re just practicing Mr. Archibald. Nate was worried about kissing Blair. Don’t you think he should know how so she doesn’t take her fortune elsewhere? _

Behind closed doors, from the time they are eleven and curious at the way their bodies have begun changing, Nate and Chuck have reached an agreement. They both stay silent about their lips touching or the way their hands move across each other’s bodies as they age and request more. They’re only best friends who need practice, they lie to each other when any emotion comes up amidst skin on skin. And it often does, in the heat of things, when Nate’s cumming with Chuck’s warm hand around his cock and he’s trying desperately not to blurt out his name. 

Once they have years of practice, it’s shorthanded to  _ best friends _ .  _ We’re best friends, Chuck and Nate, Nate and Chuck.  _ Golden boy with his shiny silver toy. More inseparable than even Serena and Blair. Nate almost comes close to asking the girls if they have the same arrangement once, but thinks he doesn’t want to know. His and Chuck’s unhappiness at their lives was enough of a burden to carry.

  
  
  


_ * _

  
  


_ Nathaniel, you don’t understand what it’s like to wait to have to be with you. I watch you pine over Serena and brood over Blair wanting you. Yeah, maybe I should have left Jenny Humphrey alone but I’m so sick of not having you. _

_ That’s not true _ , the back of his mind screams, but he doesn’t care. Chuck is being vulnerable and laid bare in front of him in ways he won’t be with anyone else, and all he wants to do is think,  _ Isn’t it? _

_ I would never betray you like that, Nathaniel. You should know that. I don’t care who you lost your virginity to.  _ Then later that night,  _ You should have let me do it. Not Serena. I thought you would have wanted to belong to me. _

Maybe he should have.

Nate is Chuck’s only weakness. All of the Upper East Side knows that. It’s what keeps Nate pulled into his orbit, because it’s nice to be the only person someone chooses to love. Blair pretends she only has Nate and that half her heart hadn’t always been given to Serena. For Chuck, there’s no intermediate in the way. Just the two of them, best friends, the kind that won’t admit to the world that they’ve been so close to fucking since the tail end of grade school.

Kissing Chuck is easier then. Chuck would never leave a scandal on the table, not for anyone-- Blair or Serena included. He was too easily bored and attracted to drama in ways that Nate didn’t try to understand. For Nate, he thinks it’s the closest declaration of love he might ever get from the guarded boy.

For the first time, they let orgasms be found in something deeper that night and the second of penetration Nate wonders how on earth they had waited this long.

  
  


*

  
  


_ I only fucked Blair to be closer to you, to feel what you felt inside of her _ .

“Shut up.” He barks angrily, but Nate is the one who slides into Chuck this time, ready to be hard and angry and rough. The second he feels the tightness in ways unfamiliar from Blair or Serena though, he thinks he gets it. The anger subsides, but he still fucks Chuck until they’re both a mess mixed in sheets. A million things run through his mind-- an unspoken and desperate plea for them to say fuck it to the Upper East Side and be together anyway, the question if he can stay the night so he can try that over and over again, and a searching thought of whether Chuck thought he was capable of being in love with Nate. None of them escape to his lips, other than the request to repeat their performance. Instead they fester in his heart and begin to burrow in ways that make Nate think he could almost understand Chuck.

He doesn’t realize until later that he had only been learning a lesson on how to understand his mother.  _ Turn an eye, you’re the one with the pretty looks and power. Turn a cheek, he didn’t really mean it. _ Most men worried about becoming their fathers, but Nate had never had that worry really. Becoming his father was hard and required too much of him to give. Becoming Anne Vanderbilt-Archibald was easier than sin.

  
  


*

  
  


_ I fell in love with her. I’m sorry. _

How had he missed the ledge he was dropping off of without realizing that maybe the women in their lives meant something? 

Nate had thought Chuck was his, because wasn’t he Chuck’s after all these years? Hadn’t they stopped caring who began or when they ended? Nate has never heard those words from his  _ best friend _ and thought he never would. Maybe this was what Blair felt like when Serena left, he wonders, but it’s not the same. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do.”

Sucking in his breath, his emotion, everything he can try and control; he leaves the wedding. Not expected that he’d be followed, not expected that he’d be pulled by Chuck from the sidewalk to the alley. Nate wants to fuck, to claim, but he thinks if Chuck rejects him tears might fall and that wasn’t what best friends did. Chuck still kisses him, fiercely, and while it’s heady and quick and all too much and too little, they end up with Chuck still walking away and Nate feeling used. Wasn’t Nate supposed to have been the one was using?

  
  


……

  
  


Nate takes Chuck’s black book. He fucks almost every girl that his once closest friend has remotely touched and he revels in the fact that there are only girls listed. After all, Nate was just practicing.


End file.
